Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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