I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
