I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
