just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
