take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
