sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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