Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
