Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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