Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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