she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
