The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
