you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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