my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My vagina just recognized that song.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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