Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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