also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
