Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
