I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I checked into jail on foursquare
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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