It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
This is my gift to your gina
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
