So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
