im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
