You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
