Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude i'm inner monologue high
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
