all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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