im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
