dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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