We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
