at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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