yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
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He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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