So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
