i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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