I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
