fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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