Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
