Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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