I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
