you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
