MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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