he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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