Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
