I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
