I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
