Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
