they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
