so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
