We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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