Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
