based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This house was built for laser tag.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
