That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
