i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
