God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
