Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
