Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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