it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
