Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
