proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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