i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
