That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
