hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
