I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
