I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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