Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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