I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The uberlube is also flammable
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
