There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
