Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
