Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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