Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
