he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
