you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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