What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
