I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
