He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
