I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
