Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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