I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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