i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you win again, gameday.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
