best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
